


Seeking but one thing

by Archaeo22



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Drama, Drinking, F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-20 03:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archaeo22/pseuds/Archaeo22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassandra noticed the flattering words of the younger Inquisitor Maaras Adaar. Her only love of her life was killed during the conclave. Before that, she never had any experience...<br/>Yet the attempts of the Inquisitor haven't gone unnoticed...and started a small flame inside the Seeker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was curious how the two of them would get a long more intimate as the game allowed it to be (too bad it was only possible with the male Inquisitor). Happy for any kind of feedback. :) The one sentence by Cassandra was used out of the game. I do not own it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Seeker and the Qunari. How odd a couple so different in their characters with not a slight age difference can be attracted to each other.... are they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am re-writing the chapters. I wasn't happy with how it was written.

The air smelled damp, so felt her clothes, smelled off sweat caused by fear and panic. Her shoulders were throbbing, but the centre of the pain came from somewhere else. Down from her left hand. _Why?_

The sight was blurry as she opened her eyes, her head hurt, she sighed. She wanted to hold her head with one hand…but her hands were cuffed. The Qunari noticed a woman with dark short hair walking up to her and a look…a look that wanted to kill. That look pierced into her as the woman circled her. Qunari Maraas Adaar noticed several soldiers around her, all armed. Another woman was there, in a violet cloak, standing further away in silence. Observing the scene as it seemed.

Then, the woman in the cloak approached and she felt that someone bowed towards her head from behind.

“Tell me, why we shouldn’t kill you now,” the dark-haired woman with some kind of accent she never heard before. The words were full of hatred and disgust.

“I don’t know. What happened,” the Qunari’s fear grew.

“Leave, Everyone. I want to talk to the prisoner alone.” Everyone started to leave until it was only the woman and the Qunari. She came closer to her, kneeled down right in front of her, cupped her face, closed her eyes and drew her closer to her lips…

 

“Inquisitor Adaar? Are you awake, yet?”

 

The sun was shining into the great room of the Inquisitor up the highest tower at Skyhold. _It always stops at that point. Every night. For almost two months now._

“Yes, Josephine. Please, come in.”

The Qunari sat up on her bed, it was just dawn, but the Inquisition’s ambassador loved to get up early and take care of the important matters.

“I hope you have slept well, Inquisitor. I have several letters that I wanted to show you before sending them away.”

“Sure thing. Weren’t we already on the first name base, _Josephine_?” She took the letters from Josephine and skimmed them.

“Yes, but you must understand that this is still new to me.” “Yes, dear ambassador, but I thought we were friends?” “Of course we are.”

As she finished reading, she handed the letters back. “Did…did you perhaps see Cassandra somewhere?”

A sweet smile escaped from Josephine’s lips. “Well, I believe that at this hour she must be sparring already. It is still two hours until breakfast. Until then, Maaras.” She gently bowed and left.

 _Maybe it’s alright if I joined her sparring…Did she even notice? I must appear like a weirdo to her._ Adaar got into her light mage armour, took her staff and left to the sparring grounds. As it was still so early, not a lot of people were up already. Besides Josephine, the cooks and their staffs and Horsemaster Dennet were already up, taking care of their tasks. As she came closer she could already hear the rustling of the wooden dummies Cassandra kept fighting.

“Maybe want to fight something that can actually move?”

“Oh, good morning, Maaras. Up already?” The Seeker turned, looked at her in a gentle and friendly way, her lips turned into a smile. _So much different than just half an hour ago…Maker, those eyes._

“I could ask you the same question. It seems you are never tired.” She passed Cassandra and went to the sparring arena as the female warrior followed her.

“Different to other people, I have my ways to not let it show.” She put up her shield and raised her sword as she faced the Qunari mage from a few feet away. Adaar raised her staff and called out the first spell.

 

They came way too late for breakfast. Many people already left in order to attend to their work at Skyhold. Only Bull and Dorian were still there, sitting close to each other and talking. Maaras took a seat at a corner of a table, Cassandra sat down at the other end the corner so they were almost facing each other.

“You did well there, Maaras.”

“Thank you. But I have to admit I have a great teacher who helped me.” She smirked playfully at the Seeker who turned the slightest pink as she realised she was meant. “Don’t do things like this.” “Like what?” “What you just said.” “I made you a compliment.” “Exactly.” “You are not into women, are you?”

The question was supposed to come out almost casually, but as Maaras had spoken those words, she was the one who turned red, sadly visible since her skin tone was brighter than most Qunari had. Thankfully, they kept their voices down, so no one else could have heard them clearly enough.

“Why do you ask? If you seek advice in those matters, I sadly recommend to you to Sera. She might know more things about that.”

“It wasn’t exactly what I…,” Maaras frowned and was visibly nervous. She didn’t want to let her feel harassed by her intimate question. Yet there had to be something. Otherwise, Cassandra would have asked to stop the compliments. But she did not. She just smiled. Every time. That smile. That smile, that made her heart stop for a split-second, that took her breath away. Did she ever notice what influence she had on the Inquisitor?

“Let us go to the garden,” with that, Cassandra got up and walked towards the door to the garden. The Qunari just sat there at a moment before she followed quickly.

It was incredible how this garden could grow so beautifully in the middle of the mountains, surrounded by snowed mountains. They sat down at the gallery on a bench, further away from any prying eyes. Maaras was still confused why had to walk up to this point.

“Please, Maaras, sit down here,” she put a hand close to her as she was sitting on a wooden bench. Maaras did as she was asked, but she didn’t face Cassandra. Instead, she held her hands onto the top of her legs, her eyes locked on them.

“Maaras, the past months… a lot things happened. We fought against the Rift in the Sky, we got the Templars on our side, Haven fell, you gained many companions around you, and we saved Empress Celene’s life. Now, Adamant will be close. Throughout all this time, I noticed.”

“Noticed what?”

“Your words. Your looks.”

“Do you feel harassed?”

“I feel rather flattered. And I know what you meant by your question. To answer your question with most honesty, I do not know.”

The Inquisitor was startled by this answer, frowning confused at the woman. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I say it like this, because …I’m unexperienced,” She Seeker lacked hiding her nervous tone at the end. “That is why I wanted us to come here. At this time there is no one here…because I want to know…how it feels like… you know. But if you don’t want to I can understand. I mean, it is much I ask for…”

Not only Cassandra was nervous. Maaras gulped, not believing what she just heard. “You…want to kiss? Me?”

Cassandra’s cheeks became slightly pink as she heard those exact words and nodded slightly. With that, she leaned slowly towards the Inquisitor.

The screeching sound of a door some further away let both of them freeze in their position.


	2. Chapter 2

“Inquisitor? Did you listen?”

Maaras blinked and found herself back in the Great Hall again, sitting next to the Seeker. _Why did this one feel so real?_

“I am sorry, I guess you hit me quite hard during sparring.”

“I am sorry if I hurt you then…to you need a healer?” Cassandra looked a bit worried. _Her lips…what would they taste like? How would it feel like? Why can’t I stop thinking about this._

“No, it’s alright Cassandra, thank you. I’m quite glad for the sparring. But aren’t you ever tired? It seems like you are sparring almost all day long…besides starring at Cullen’s plans for our next moves…and sometimes reading smutty literature,” her lips turned into a teasing smirk when she finished, causing the Seeker to make her typical sound, _the growl_. “I know for myself that these books are what they are. Thank you, Inquisitor. And I just want to know that everything will go as planned and there are no mistakes in our actions. We can’t risk any faults.”

“I know that, Cassandra. But please, you need some time to relax as well, alright?”

“You should already know that I am not that type of person.”

“But why are you? What’s behind all this?”

Instead of answering, Cassandra turned quiet for a while, as if not knowing the answer or not wanting to share it. Her brows made a small frown and caused Adaar to frown herself. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“You did nothing wrong… I just, I don’t think this is the right place to talk about something like this.”

 

“Ah, my dearest Inquisitor. Do you have a moment or am I interrupting something?” Apparently Dorian’s conversation with Bull was over. The male Qunari was already gone from the hall and Dorian was happy as almost always. Before the Inquisitor could answer, Cassandra decided for them by standing up. “I took enough from your time. I will leave. Thank you. You know where to find me.” With that, she left before Maaras could even open her mouth. She just watched her left. And forgot completely about the Tevinter mage.

“Uhm, hello? I thought I would have your attention know, but I guess someone else got it completely. For how long is it going on now between you two?”

 

“Th-there is nothing going on! Why do you even think that?” It took a moment of clearance to make her answer his question. Too long and he already knew she was lying. Instead of saying something, he turned away, towards his chamber. “Oh, Maaras. Such a shitty liar, aren’t you?”

As they went to Adamant three days later, Adaar took Blackwall, Dorian and Cassandra to the battle. It was interesting how the Warden reacted to the fortress falling, she was glad she could tell the Grey Wardens to back off. She did not want any more innocent blood being shed.

The Fade was….confusing…but mind opening as well. The things they got to know, seeing (apparently) the spirit of Justinia V. and Maaras regaining her memory about the incident at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She was nothing special at all. Andraste didn’t choose her. It was just coincidence. Nothing more. It could have been anybody else who got the anchor on his/her hand.

It was difficult to leave Strout behind. A decision she did not make lightly, but she did not want to leave the Champion of Kirkwall in the Fade.

After they returned from the Fade, everyone was shaking with what they’ve just experienced. Cassandra did not appear happy about the decision of letting the Wardens stay with the Inquisition. She wished them exiled. Yet the Inquisitor did not care. It was her decision asked. Only hers.

Maaras was all quiet when they rode back to Skyhold. The four of them rode on their own, being faster in this smaller group to return to Skyhold quicker than the soldiers. Blackwall and Dorian had a small chat about the Wardens, Maaras was riding up on the front of the group, leaving Cassandra alone in between the group. The human woman noticed that there was something on Maaras’ heart, she got closer, with the hope that offering an open ear would help the Qunari.

She noticed that when she was not sparring or taking care about Inquisition matters, she spent a lot of her free time with the Inquisitor. Sometimes, she wondered how much changed within this half year. Six months ago, she considered the Qunari a suspect, a murderer, kept her as a prisoner. Now, she is the Inquisitor, leading them against Corypheus. Gathering allies and companions that couldn’t be different. Nobles like Dorian and common people like Sera. Mages, Rogues and Warriors. All with their own personal story, their different reasons to join the Inquisition, but all connected with the Qunari. Maaras had a way with people. Somehow she could hold her own position and convince people with different opinions to join her, help the Inquisition’s cause. That was something Cassandra admired.

The Seeker always had a difficulty with words. She was rather someone who took actions into her own hands. That is how she became the Hero of Orlais and the Right Hand of the Divine. But the Divine died….and she couldn’t do anything about it. She was not able. But why? Was she not good enough? Why did the Maker let so many people die, among them the Divine Justinia? Not only her… she knew that her former love, her first ever love, died at the Conclave.

“Hey,”

_What kind of stupid thing was that? Couldn’t you think of anything better?_

“Hey, how do you feel Cassandra?” It felt more like a polite question rather than an honest one as Maaras was still looking towards the ground.

“I worry more about you. What is the matter? You’ve been all quiet for almost two days now.”

“It is alright…I just…I don’t matter at all.”  


Cassandra frowned and now was in line with the Inquisitor and her horse.

“Why do you think so?”

“It is all just a coincidence. Nothing special. I am not the Herald of Andraste. It was just all a fucking coincidence.”

“But Justinia saved you…she gave her life so you could live. And tell us about Corypheus.”

“Yeah, she should live, not I. My job was taking care of security at the Conclave. And I wasn’t able. And just by coincidence, I got into all of this. It could have been anyone else. If you still want, get the Champion. She will be a better Inquisitor than me.”

“Stop this, Maaras,” Cassandra got as close as possible with both riding on their horses and grabbed Maaras hand. The Inquisitor looked at her and noticed her determination in her eyes. Her whole body felt like fire, she wondered how it would even feel when there weren’t the gloves.

“Maybe it was not Andraste, but Justinia who helped you leave the Fade. But she gave her life. For you. You have led us so far and I cannot say that anyone else good have done it in such a good way. You almost died for us when you faced Corypheus at Haven. We left you dying…And you returned...” The hand on top of Maaras’ clenched hers, the Seeker’s voice broke off for a moment, full of a mix of frustration, sadness and confusion. “D-don’t you understand what you are for us?” _F-for me as well, she asked herself._ She had to get a hold of herself and took away her hand from Maaras’.

“I still can’t understand for sure, Cassandra.”

“We need you to focus on our next task. For now, we need to get back to Skyhold.”

But the Seeker wasn’t all focused on the next task just as the Inquisitor wasn’t. Yet, the woman still had to find out why she had this odd feeling around the Qunari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already a few chapters further into the story, yet I'm rereading it in order to see some change or flaws before showing it to you guys. I'm busy with a lot of university stuff at the moment, so I can't promise to upload them regularly. Hope you like there this is going :)


	3. Chapter 3

They arrived at their next stop, still one day of riding away from Skyhold. The air already felt colder.

The two men were sharing a tent, while the women shared another. _It couldn’t be worse right now,_ so thought Maaras at the moment.

Blackwall left early, being still exhausted from what he had seen in Adamant. Dorian was bored by the quietness. He knew his friend Maaras seemed upset, but he felt like maybe she needed someone else to talk to so he excused himself sometime after the Warden left. Maaras still seemed upset and Cassandra did not know what to say.

“Tell me, Cassandra,” Maaras finally broke this almost unbearable silence. “How are you always so sure about your decision?”

“Maaras, I lived a little longer than you. My dedication to work, to live for the Divine and Andraste, my faith, helped me to move. My work with the Seekers not to forget.”

“You seem solid as a rock. Like nothing could make you feel afraid. Like you stand above everything.”

“I am afraid. But I am hiding it quite well as it seems. And you should as well. You are the Herald –“

“I am no fucking Herald. I am nothing but a lie. I am just a stupid oxwoman to them. Nothing more worth. I am just the same stupid thing you have locked up back then, when the Temple fell apart.”

While speaking, Maaras clenches her hands into trembling fists on top of her thighs, furious with anger and yet trying to not show it in her voice. Her heart stopped as she felt Cassandra’s soft hands on hers, trying to calm them. _How are they so soft? What does she use? They are so firm yet soft. It feels like my hands are on fire._

“Do not think of yourself so low. You are so much more than that. So much better than me. You are leading us and leave only victories behind us. Can’t you see how you help all people around you? I was wrong to keep you as a prisoner back then in Haven, but I did not know better. We all were confused by the fact that you were the sole survivor. You proofed us wrong, all of us. You saved us, not only in Adamant and the Fade, you stayed in Haven. Only you. All of us were too afraid. I was afraid. You came back…You cannot imagine how glad I was to see you there, even full with bruises…but whole.”

Maaras could feel the fingers on top of hers clenching, the eagerness in Cassandra’s eyes. _Maker, those eyes. Like the ones of a wild beast…like a lioness._

“I just thought you might wanted the woman with the anchor…and I felt a bit chilly.”

This sudden humour startled the Seeker but took away the earnest of the situation and caused her to laugh, the eagerness in her eyes gone, yet her hands remaining on the Inquisitor’s. It appeared so unusual to hear her laugh like this. It made Maaras’ heart almost melt.

“How can it be, that you laugh so rarely, with such a beautiful laughter and such a beautiful face.” Just then, Maaras realised her mouth was faster than her mind, not thinking through what this comment might mean for Cassandra.

Yet she did not froze, or sighed as in similar situations with the others around. She just turned quiet, a light smile on her lips remained.

_Don’t tell me this is another fucking daydream. I cannot be dreaming again. This feels so real._

“I noticed those words, that you express towards me…this…flirting. Why?”

“W-what do you mean why?”

“Why do you want to flirt? Is this some kind of hobby?”

“NO! _ups, that was a bit loud_ I mean, of course not. I do that…because I like you…not just I like Dorian or Sera…more.”

“More?”

“More than friendship. There is something inside of me. Something you caused. But nothing bad don’t worry.”

“Can you describe that a little more? Did I hurt you?”

“Don’t think something like this. It’s the opposite. I admire you. A lot. Sometimes, when I see you or talk to you, the way you answer, you make my knees go week, my heart to stop for a split-second. Just…not only this. Everything. Maker, I can’t hold it any longer.”

With that she moved closer to Cassandra’s mouth and pressed her lips against the Seeker’s. The feeling made her sigh. She took a hand up to her face to hold Cassandra’s gently in place. The Seeker was stunned….yet she did not move back.

Just as fast as the moment began it ended. Maaras was the one who backed off, shocked by was she did. “I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

Before Cassandra could say something, Maaras stood up and left the campsite. “I-I’ll do the first watch. Go to bed. I will wake you up, when it’s your turn.”

The human was just left there in front of the fire. _How could I not realise that she was interested in such a way?”_

She stayed for a little while before she stood up and went to sleep to the tent. Not without having troubles to fall asleep, thinking about their kiss.

She woke up in the morning again, realising she must have slept through the whole night. Wasn’t Maaras supposed to wake her up for the night watch? She looked at the other site of the tent to see that Maaras’ belongings were already gone. As she touched the spot where the sleeping mat would have been, she felt the cold ground underneath it. _She must have gotten to bed early…or?_

Several hours later, long hours full of silence in awkwardness, they finally reached Skyhold. After Maaras gave a full report to Leliana and Josephine, Cullen still being with the soldiers heading towards Skyhold, she left the two advisors, walking around the place. She felt extremely exhausted, she hadn’t slept for more than 24 hours now. The Inquisitor was the only one holding the watch last time. Yet, she did not want to sleep. She could not. Her thoughts were circling a past moment. Their first kiss. It could have been so much better. It was wonderful as it was, but Maaras felt it could have been better for Cassandra. She felt like she could not have impressed that older woman with a kiss like this.

“Maaras? May I have a word with you?”

Maaras froze as she realised who addressed her. It was Cassandra.   
“Y-yes?”

“A little more private, if you don’t mind.”

_Now she will tell me she is not interested at all. Good job oh mighty Inquisitor._

They got to one of the quieter watch towers at Skyhold. Cassandra leaned against the wall, looking at a far point away from Skyhold, somewhere in the cold mountains.

“What happened at the camp site...It made me think a lot. And presumably you as well. I’ve been meaning to tell you that those…comments you make…those...nice words you mention…about me…I noticed them.”

“Good thing, otherwise I would have thought I am a pretty shitty flirter.” Maaras tried to ease herself during this most uncomfortable conversation. She was afraid about what was about to be said.

“And I want to be honest with you. It is not that I do not like them. It is that I have no experience with women. And I am unexperienced to a situation like this. And I am not able to read your intentions.”

“My intentions? What do you expect from someone who is flirting?”

“Well," she pressed her shoulder more into the wall, giving her hips a slight tilt that almost drove Maaras mad with dark lust," I am wondering if this is just a part of a game.”

“What kind of game?” Maaras was rubbing her fingertips against each other, feeling her lips dry up. Tensed would be a heavy underestimation of this situation.

“Do you want to play? Just some flirty game like Bull does?-“

Before she could even mention another of her thoughts, she was forcefully cut off by Maaras, who went towards her, took her shoulders in her hands and pressed her back against the wall. Her look was fierce and somewhat hurt. “I would never want to play with you. You are playing with me. You must be.”

“I? Playing with you?”

“How do you keep so cool? I feel like I am nothing compared to you…Your eyes...I feel so drawn to them. Your lips. It feels like they are calling me. I’d just wish to see how you look like under the armour you are almost always wearing. You seem so strong and confident. I cannot stop thinking about you. How is that you make me almost lose my mind.”

During that monologue, Maaras’ face drew closer to Cassandra’s, her eyes pinned on the dark eyes of the Seeker. Yet, the Seeker on the other hand, kept quiet, listened. Even though she was blushing, she did not show any emotion.

“Maaras, I did not know you feel like this…”

“Yet, I almost know what you are about to say…”

“I need time to think…I do not want to push you away …I just…need to figure out for myself.”

That hurt. Like a knife penetrating her lungs and twisting itself inside her, cutting off any possibility to breathe.

“I understand…,”she backed off, turned and left before Cassandra could say anything. She just slid along the wall until her rear hit the floor. An inner knot, pulling and her mind asking, why she did not kiss the Qunari.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry it took so long. I'm very busy with other things...new topics will follow very soon. Have fun reading!

The following weeks were different. Maaras changed, at least on the outside. She spent a lot more time drinking in the Tavern with Sera and Bull, stumbling half drunk in the middle of the night back to her chamber, secretly watched by Cassandra from her window above the quartermaster. She kept thinking almost every night before she went to bed, thinking about how she never realised those strong feelings. Sometimes she was not able to sleep, trying to figure out her own feelings. Was she even able to love again? It was not so easy as in the smutty books she read.

Another mission for the Inquisition was planned, this time at the Emerald Graves. Maybe she could talk with Maaras there if they had some quiet time. And the scenery would be nice. Then the doubt struck her. Would Maaras even want to take her with her? After this incident…she wasn’t sure anymore.

 

It was a mix of content and slight hints of happiness when she got informed that she was to accompany Maaras, together with Sera and Bull.

Maaras appeared different as they rode to their first campsite. Giggling, laughing joking, all of this loud. _And with Sera._ Cassandra was riding in front of them, a hint of bitterness and annoyance. Bull was riding close to the two women, joking as well, but also talking about several women they met in taverns.

“Could you please keep your voice down? Or do you want to start a bonfire to tell Corypheus where we exactly are?”

“Oh, Lady Seeker seems pissed. Guess she needs somethin’ to slash her sword on, Sera remarked.

“Or someone.” Bull added.

“That’s it! Cassandra, you really need someone between your legs. Wanna let me look out for someone? I know exactly what your type is.” With that, invisibly for Cassandra up in the front. She kicked Maaras lightly on her upper leg, smirking dirtily towards the Inquisitor. The Inquisitor on the other hand just stayed quiet, watching Cassandra.

“Sera, if I were you….” The anger was more than audible in the Seeker’s voice. Another pleading glance from Maaras was enough to back her off from that matter. “Alright, alright. Didn’t see so many people needed someone between their legs.” She finished with a giggle and got to talk with Bull about some women. As always. Maaras was now riding in the middle of the group, left alone with her thoughts.

They camped in the North of the Emerald Graves, close to the famous cliffs. Maaras was the first one to have the first watch. Sera and Bull soon returned to their shared tent, not without talking what attributes about women where the most attractive ones. Cassandra was writing a report, a raven close by as she noticed Maaras circling the camp in a long, slow path.

It was somewhat annoying to see her like this. _Why is she behaving like this? Is it still because of me?_ Cassandra did not realise that Maaras had much deeper feelings than she’d presume.

 

After some nice words and a touch on her shoulder, Maaras was finally sent to bed after the first watch, where both women were awake. Yet, they were awake for such a long time it would have been fine for the male Qunari and the elf to take the last two watches for the night. Maaras kept quiet, laid down on her sleeping matt and pulled the blanket over her heard, cowering into a giant ball, not facing the Inquisitor.

Cassandra was more than annoyed by this. “Why are you behaving like a child? What is wrong with you?” She sat down on her own mat, close to Maaras’.

No answer came. Anger flickered inside of Cassandra. “You are the Herald of Andraste and the Inquisitor. Can’t you just behave like people expect from you?”

Again. Nothing came.

“I can’t believe that _this_ is the thing we decided to be our Inquisitor. Why are you doing this? I thought so much better of you- Hey where are you going.”

Maaras, still a blanket over her head, wanted to crawl out of the tent, yet Cassandra forcefully grabbed it and ripped it off, causing it to become stuck at Maaras’ horns and rip into several parts. When Cassandra saw Maaras’ wet face, she immediately stopped, her hand letting go of the torn blanket.

“Oh Maaras, I…”

“You wouldn’t stop, would you? It was not my decision to become all of this. Nobody asked me if I wanted this stupid fucking thing on my hand that can’t stop burning.

I am very sorry I am not so perfect you want me to be. To be the rightful figure of all of this. I never had anyone taking care of me. It was always myself. And now every fucking step I take is under surveillance. I have to be this and that shit. I am not allowed to show bad-tempered feelings. I feel lonelier than ever in my entire life. But who fucking cares? All they want is the happy and just Inquisitor.”  
Maaras felt a strong pull from her arm. It was not the mark, but a strong hand. The Seeker kept quiet, listening, observing; her body deciding to pull the Qunari back, towards her. Slender but strong arms pulling the woman into the Seeker’s arms, her palms pressed gently onto her shoulders. Maaras was more than startled by this, not understanding what this might mean, what she was allowed to feel in this moment. The heat of Cassandra’s body was more than tempting, yet her own arms hang along her body, both women on their knees.

They both were silent for a while, Cassandra not knowing the right words, Maaras not knowing the right reaction, causing Cassandra’s top to become wet around her one shoulder. To Maaras’ surprise, she started to feel fingers, slowly circling around her upper back, causing her to relax, her body giving finally in to the soothing feeling of body contact.

“Maaras, I told you that I still need time to think…that this is still new to me. Seeing you like this hurt me. It made me angry. I know my temper is known to be…of short endurance. You wake feelings inside me that I remember in some way…but then… you and your words sometimes cause different reactions…not unpleasant ones to reassure you.

I never asked about your past, not deep enough. Mainly because I thought it was inappropriate. I thought you wanted to tell me some day. We drew quiet close during that time. I could have never imagined this…and those words…this flirting… I like it. Even when you are annoying sometimes. I just don’t feel like I am allowed to show emotions. My training as a Seeker taught me that emotions can deflect your actions and your true cause.”

Maaras just listened, quietly, trying to figure out what she finally wanted to say. She allowed her hands to rest on Cassandra’s waist. To her surprise, Cassandra did not say anything about this.

“Yet my emotions aren’t completely gone. I just…wish my relationship to be perfect. As silly as it may sound. I want flowers, candles, poetry…” _yet I am not allowing myself to fully commit. I want so much more. Isn’t this already too much to ask for?_

“Whatever it takes,” Maaras’ voice cracked as it wasn’t used for a long time.

Gladly, the Qunari woman couldn’t see the gentle blush on Cassandra’s face.

“You appear quite sure of yourself, do you realise that?”

Cassandra felt the arms hugging her, warmth and intimacy, happiness and quiet, all inside her. Yet the knot inside her core was tearing, yearning, screaming, gasping. What was this kind of feeling? Was something missing? What was that inner demon demanding of herself?

Bodies were shifting, a grey nose traced along a woman’s neck and face, two pair of lips in front of each other, small gasps escaped. Almost as if they did not know how they end up like this, controlled by physical needs, hushed gasps, whispered, almost moaned names.

“Maaras, I…”


End file.
